I just found out about this blogfest/contest through Trisha's post at W O R D + S T U F F. Thanks!
Go to Breanda Drake Writes for all of the details and to enter the very cool contest.
My entry:
Name: Sheery Hall
Title: SAFE HAVEN
Genre: Women's Fiction
She stopped after turning the corner and felt an eerie sense of dread tickle up her spine.
Ooh, nice opening line :) Definitely makes me want to read more and find out what is going on!
ReplyDeleteOh that's fantasic. I'd just like to see a name or the like instead of she.
ReplyDeleteI'd add some details. Where is this person? What do they want? What does she see that tickles her spine with dread?
ReplyDeleteGive the reader something they can picture in their mind if you wantto use this kind of opening.
eg- from The White Cat by Holly Black-"I wake up barefoot, standing on cold slate tiles." you don't know everything, but you have a few details and a very specific sensation to latch on to in the cold tiles with bare feet.
Hope that helps!
Welcome to the blogfest! I think you could tighten this:
ReplyDeleteShe turned the corner and an eerie sense of dread tickled up her spine.
Good luck!
Good advice from other commenters a couple of tweaks and I think you got it.
ReplyDeleteYup, I like it tightened, adds to the tension.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the comments/feedback so far. I really appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great hook, and I think it just needs a little tightening/rearranging. You can cut out indicators like 'she felt' because we're in the MC's head so we already know these are her observations. Maybe something closer to:
ReplyDeleteShe turned the corner and stopped when an eerie sense of dread trickled up her spine.
Interesting opener. It could be tightened up, I agree. Here's a possible suggestion. Feel free to ignore it! :)
ReplyDelete"She turned the corner and stopped, a sense of dread creeping up her spine."
Nice start. I agree with the previous comments. I like to remove EVERY adj and read it and then carefully put them back in as if my sentence was going to explode with each add. When you get the balance right, you'll know it.
ReplyDeleteNice hook - good luck.